Cracked pots!?

My church has a regular "sharing" time besides the prayer time in the service which is a prerogative that can only be done effectively in a small church of less than 200. It usually happens once a month, typically with the communion service, and people share how God has been working in their lives.

These past couple of months I had thought of sharing the adventure that the Lord had put us on, but had decided against it time and time again primarily because I wasn't prepared to take the repetitive questions that I'd have to deal with: "Are you sure this is what God wants?" "What are you going to do with...?" "How about ...?" (Insert any number of variation in the dots: school, work, house, etc.) Also I myself was still needing and wanting a confirmation along the way (which I must say God has been more than generous to give us over and over).

We got a phone call the Friday before letting us know that our buyer's got an offer which will close this coming Friday which in turn will close our deal: Our house will be officially SOLD. I was vaguely thinking about all this when I was waiting to feel the now familiar nudge of whether I should go up or not. Then 2 Corinthians 4 popped into my head. That was the verse I had shared with my dear friend in Japan earlier that day. This verse and the verses in 1 John 4 that were read earlier in the service put things into perspective in me the moment our pastor said: "Does anyone else have anything to share? What is God doing with you these days?" My hand went up before I could veto the move.

I must say, half the time I speak, I have no forethought that is well thought out. No plan is there at all, really. It is the hallmark of who I am, like it or not. I am an extrovert through and through. I'd like to think that over the years I have learned to pre-think some of it, so I'd be less toxic. But I really don't have a "plan" as most introverts seem to feel they need to have before doing anything. My friends and I call ourselves "flying by the seat of our pants club" and I think I have a full-fledge right to be in it by the virtue of who I am.

But I digress...

I get up there, and basically start yakking my thoughts out loud. Mainly about observations of how I've been learning diversity is beautiful. Not just in animals and plants and all that, but in people. There really isn't anyone just like each one of us. Everyone of us is absolutely UNIQUE. Sure, there are some commonalities, but just like there is no snowflake the same and no fingerprint the same, there is NO human the same. So I confessed about my extroverted-ness, too. We tend to do a lot of verbal diarrhea that most introverts would cringe. But really, God does use our boldness stupidity, too. And I believe the opposite is true as well. God isn't limited at all! Isn't it marvelous that our God is SO much BIGGER than we can ever imagine? He can handle all this diversity and makes it all beautiful.

Then I shared a bit about my dear friend and her struggles. Hers is an illness of extreme physical challenge which boggles my mind. My immediate reaction is of being humbled, because I whine a lot. Then I chastise myself for whining about my "puny" problems.

There I stop. You noticed that? Does God do that comparison? NO. Does He belittle my woes? NO. Each of us have different set of challenges and troubles that we face. The intensity and the quality of it may vary but nevertheless each are seriously faced with those. Facing it, owning whatever part that is ours, and crying out to the Lord with the rest is all He cares, really. He doesn't compare us like we do. Love Himself doesn't do that. In the verse that was read in the service, it said "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:8)" So if we're lacking love it is because we don't know Him enough. Isn't that the flip side of that? If we know Him more, we can love others more.

Now, don't think like I talked like this from the front, 'cause I didn't. (Yes we have to go up front to speak into the microphone!) I'm trying my hardest to revive what wound up coming out of my mouth.

So I said: "Why do we think we need to be brave all on our own? Because if we could, then Jesus didn't at all have to come and die for us. The point is, and remains to be, we aren't supposed to be able to do it. Period. Isn't that a comfort?"

Then I read from 2 Corinthians 4, - verses 5-12:

For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

And I went and sat down feeling that now-familiar-feeling all over... the feeling of "Wow God, that was profound!" ... the feeling of "that was definitely not (just) ME" ...the feeling of He may be smiling on me.

Over the years of following Jesus, I have come to realize that all I have to do is often just show up or even just open my mouth - HE does the rest. It was astounding to me yesterday to realize it has been 20 years since I first said "yes" to Jesus. I was not always quick to follow, nor to open my mouth with His urgings, nor to show up where He told me to be. I was a much-afraid, and would often ignore that nudge and talk myself out of it. But it was accumulation of those many many tiny steps toward Him and many many days of Him proving Himself trustworthy, faithful and true, AND getting to know Him through the Word.

God knows our fickle hearts and knows how to bind it together where it is broken. As fickle as they are, if we venture out to engage our hearts as fully as we are able with Him, He does magic with it. He can even replace a stone one with a living one.

I think of the verse Jesus read in the synagogue after His showdown with Satan. Do you remember? It was Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners

I am a living testimony of that for sure. He said this verse was fulfilled in their hearing. The effect of that fulfillment reaches me, and is available for others still.

In the Bible study I'm doing right now (on my own) the beginning of these verses I'm to memorize this week, but I want to put a whole chunk:

"You are my witnesses," declares the LORD,
"and my servant whom I have chosen,
so that you may know and believe me
and understand that I am he.
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.

I, even I, am the LORD,
and apart from me there is no savior.

I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
I, and not some foreign god among you.
You are my witnesses," declares the LORD, "that I am God.

Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
No one can deliver out of my hand.
When I act, who can reverse it?"

-Isaiah 43:10

Oh what comfort, what Peace! I am safe in His hands. I can be unadulterated ME - the original design of ME is being redeemed! Not only that, He wants to be found, known, believed and understood by ME! AND each and everyone of us! Wow. None of these I could do on my own, but He made the way. AND He wants ALL to come like I did. I so long for more people to know Him because of this unbelievable truth. This is becoming a growing glowing desire within me.

So, after I had that chance to go up, I had a picture of a jar/pot (whatever you want to call it - a piece of pottery) that is glowing and the designs or the scars gives the glimpse of the light within. It reminded me of my friend's collection of beautiful china thing called Limoge. As you can see in the picture when the tealight is lit and put inside, the design on the china glows clearly out and it is just stunning. My picture was similar to that, but less predictable. Because the work is in progress. The scars and broken parts still look like bumps and the design is not as recognizable. But I believe, all those scars He heals will become part of us that in a redeemed light will radiate a beautiful picture of Him in the end.